Parental Responsibility
It is important that we do all in
our power according to God’s instructions in the important role of raising our
children. But after that is done, remember that even as early as Cain’s sin,
both brothers were likely raised the same and one chose to sin. But that sin
occurred after Eve’s sin.
The Review and Herald
May 10, 1898
Parental Responsibility—No 1
Mrs. E. G. White
In the education of their
children, parents should begin early to establish in them correct methods and
habits; for the early education of the youth shapes their character in both
their secular and religious life. Their minds should be directed in profitable
channels of thought. Their occupations should be such as not only to benefit
themselves, but to teach others the development of thought and labor that will
be for their present and eternal good.
Children may be trained for the
service of sin, or for the service of righteousness. Solomon says, “Train up a
child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
This language is positive. The training that Solomon enjoins is to direct,
educate, develop. But in order for parents to do this work, they must
themselves understand the “way” the child should go. It is impossible
for parents to give their children proper training unless they first give
themselves to God, learning of the great Teacher the precious lesson of
obedience to his will. The mother should feel her need of the Holy Spirit, that
she may herself have a genuine experience in submission to the way and will of
the Lord. Then, through the grace of Christ, she can be a wise, gentle, loving
teacher of her children.
Fathers and mothers are
responsible for the health, the constitution, and the development of the
characters of their children. No one else should be left to see to this work. As
parents, it devolves upon you to co-operate with the Lord in educating your children
in sound principles, keeping their minds open and impressible by the
inculcation of Bible truth. This will develop strong characters.
Diet
In two many cases the parents are
only grown-up children. They are not intelligent teachers; they do not realize
the responsibilities that rest upon them. In their ignorance of the wants of
their infants, many parents think that they can be fed upon those things which
they themselves eat. They have no knowledge of what constitutes a proper diet.
Many mothers have come to me, saying, “My baby does not thrive. It is poor and
fretful and sick. What is the matter with it?”
“What do you give your
child to eat?” I have questioned.
“The same food that we
ourselves eat,—a little bit of everything,—a little tea, coffee, potato, beer,
and meat.”
This variety of food is
unwholesome for the parents, and is much more so for the child. The child has
but a small stomach, and should have regular periods of eating, and then it
should not eat too largely. Overeating crowds the stomach, and distress is the
result. The “stuffing” process has placed many a little child in its narrow
bed, just because of the ignorance of the parents. Let the child dress simply,
and eat of the simplest and most wholesome diet. Let him not be indulged, and
tempted to eat more than he should. This will ruin the digestive organs before
he can become intelligent upon the important subjects of how to eat, how to
dress, how to exercise, in order to retain health. The youth who are not
perseveringly educated to respect the laws of their own being, will easily turn
aside from the laws which God has ordained for their spiritual life.
The Spoiled Child
In some families the wish of the
child is law. Everything he desires is given him. Everything he dislikes, he is
encouraged to dislike. Indulgence is supposed to make the child happy, but it
only makes him restless and discontented. Indulgence has spoiled his appetite
for plain, healthful food, and for the plain use of his time;
self-gratification has done the work of unsettling his character for time and
for eternity.
A great mistake is made when the
lines of control are placed in the child’s hands, and he is allowed to bear
sway in the home. But this has been done, and will continue to be done, because
fathers and mothers are blind in their discernment and calculation. The child
who is not carefully and prayerfully disciplined will be unhappy in this life,
and will form such unlovely traits of character that the Lord cannot unite him
with his family in heaven. There is a very great burden to be carried all
through the life of a spoiled child. When his will is crossed, he is aroused to
anger. In trial, in disappointment, in temptation, he will follow his
undisciplined, misdirected will.
Children who have never learned
to obey will have weak and impulsive characters. They may profess to be
Christians, but how sad is their experience. They seek to rule, but have not
learned to submit. These half-educated children are without moral strength to
restrain their wayward tempers, to correct their wrong habits, or to subdue
their uncontrolled wills. That mother who, knowing what is best for the
spiritual and physical help of her child, yields to his tears and importunity,
will, through her own training, be pierced through with many sorrows.
The heavenly intelligences cannot
co-operate with fathers and mothers who neglect to train their children, and
who allow Satan to make the youthful mind an instrument through which he can
work to counteract the working of the Holy Spirit. The youth may profess to be
converted, but the character will reveal whether or not the neglected work of
the parents has been overruled by good. What sin can be greater than that of
allowing children to be spoiled by mismanagement? When these children have
families of their own, they carry their defects with them, and thus the neglect
of parents to deal faithfully carries evil from generation to generation. Thus
the world is deprived of the moral power of rectitude and integrity which it
should have.
The happiness of every child may
be secured by strong, even discipline. A child’s truest graces consist
in modesty and obedience,—in attentive ears to hear the words of direction, in
willing feet and hands to walk and work in the path of duty. And a child’s true
goodness will bring its own reward, even in this life. The early years are the
time for the training process, not only that the child may become most
serviceable and full of grace and truth in this life; but that he may secure
the place prepared in the home above for all who are true and obedient. In
our own training of children, and in the training of the children of others, we
have proved that they never love parents and guardians less for restraining
them from doing evil.
The future of society depends on
the education and training of the youth of today. Parents, a solemn work is
resting upon you. The greatest power, the efficient gospel, has its effect in
the well-ordered, well-disciplined family. The children are not be treated as
dolls, made to be dressed and undressed,—idols, to have affection and
indulgence lavished upon them, and parental self-sacrifice cater to their
impulses. They are to learn to obey in the family government. They are to form
a symmetrical character, of which God can approve, maintaining law in the home
life. Christian parents are to educate their children to obey the law of God.
The reasons for this obedience and respect for the law of God may be impressed
upon the children as soon as they can understand its nature, so they will know
what they should do, and what they should abstain from doing.
God requires obedience of every
human being. Upon this our eternal future depends. In obedience to the law of
God we shall form a beautiful character. “The law of the Lord is perfect,
converting the soul.” Children should be taught to respect every word that
proceeds out of the mouth of God. Parents
are ever to magnify the precepts of the law of the Lord before their children,
by showing obedience to that law, by themselves a living under the control of
God. If a sense of the sacredness of the law takes possession of the parents,
it will surely transform the character by converting the soul.
Parents, never prevaricate, never
tell an untruth by word or deed. If you want your child to be truthful, be
truthful yourselves; be straightforward and undeviating. Even a slight
prevarication should not be allowed. If the mother is accustomed to be
untruthful, the child will follow her example.
The work of “breaking the will”
is contrary to the principles of Christ. The will of the child must be directed
and guided. Save all the strength of the will, for the human being needs it
all; but give it a proper direction. Treat the child’s will wisely and
tenderly, as a sacred treasure. Do not hammer it to pieces; but by precept, by
true example and love, wisely fashion and mold it until the child comes to
years of responsibility. Then still guide with your counsel, bringing your
child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
The Review and Herald
May 17, 1898
Parental Responsibility—No. 2
Mrs. E. G. White
If parents desire their children
to be pleasant, they should never speak to them in a scolding manner. The
mother often allows herself to become irritable and nervous. Often she snatches
at the child, and speaks in a harsh manner. If a child is treated in a quiet,
kind manner, it will do much to preserve in him a pleasant temper. The grandest
and noblest work that parents have to do for their Master is to bring Bible
discipline into their government. Mothers, teachers, and guardians of the
youth, be careful. If things arise to irritate, you are not at liberty to act
out your feelings. Educate yourselves to carry a pleasant countenance, and to
bring sweetness and melody into the voice. The angels of God are ever near your
little ones; and your harsh, loud tones of fretfulness are not pleasant to
their ears. Let love and tenderness, patience and self-control, be at all times
the law of your speech. Winning love is to be like deep waters, ever flowing
forth in the management of your children.
All through his life, Christ
performed acts of love and tenderness for the children. He took the little ones
in his arms, and blessed them. On one occasion he called a little child to him,
and set him in the midst of his disciples, and said: “Verily I say unto you,
Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into
the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little
child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive
one such little child in my name receiveth me.”
Parents should heed the words of
Christ: “Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto
you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which
is in heaven.” These words are not spoken for the benefit of those only who are
young in years. They include all who are newly come to the faith, who are
little children in experience, born again into the kingdom of God.
It is your duty, parents, to
educate and train your children to do service for him whose they are by creation
and redemption. If the Lord could present a little child in its simplicity as
an object-lesson, then be careful how you treat the precious little ones, the
lambs of the flock. There need be no harsh tones, no hard, painful strokes upon
the little form. If, in the fear and love of God, you will do your duty, you
will not deserve the pain you cause your child to suffer because of your
masterly spirit that is so easily provoked. We would be much happier if we
would manifest the gentleness of Christ in dealing with the little ones, who
have everything to learn from the lips and character of the parents. It is a
pleasant thing for God and the angels above to behold this work carried on in
the families of earth in a Christlike manner, the parents fully appreciating
the value of the souls of the little ones committed to their care.
The long, protracted effort made
to obtain an education in books is a mistake. There is danger of arousing love
for pleasure and amusement. This gives the youth an education which is deleterious
and unprofitable, and which God cannot bless; for it divorces the thoughts from
him, and corrupts the soul. Those who receive this training are wavering and
irresolute. They crave those things that are not essential for this life, or
for the future, immortal life. They are full of conceit and self-importance.
Unless completely transformed in character, they will never understand and know
the truth.
All are to be students in this
life. We are to improve our faculties, that we may do the best kind of service
for him who has given his life to redeem us. We are to think soberly, and
consecrate ourselves to God day by day. Then we shall consider every hour
precious, and shall purify our souls with stern resolution. Our opportunities
and privileges are golden. We have a high standard to reach. We are to do
missionary work for the Master, co-operating with Christ in restoring the moral
image of God in men.
The glory of God is to be kept
before the mind’s eye. This should be the one aim and purpose of parents.
Everything that would hinder in this consecrated service is to be left. We are
to separate ourselves from whatever position we have placed ourselves in that
would fetter us to cheap habits, common words, common works, or littleness of
purpose. Christians are to be Christlike. All who sincerely believe that the
living oracles of God mean just what they say, will act that faith.
Nothing can excuse parents from
their responsibility toward their children in their influence in the home
discipline and education. Low, cheap, common talk should find no place in the
family. When the heart is pure, rich treasures of wisdom will flow forth. The
heart should be a holy temple for God, where no entrance of corrupt principles
is allowed to divorce us from God, and extinguish our moral and spiritual
power. In the training of their children, parents should inculcate right
principles. Every action is liable to be repeated. Every course of action has a
twofold character and importance. It is virtuous or vicious, right or wrong,
according to the motive which prompts it. A wrong action, by frequent
repetition, leaves a permanent impression upon the mind of the actor, and also
on the minds of those who are connected with him in any relation, either
spiritual or temporal. The parents or teachers who give no attention to the
small actions that are not right, establish those habits in the youth.
Principle must be firmly held by parents and teachers. They must reverence the
principles of God’s holy word, and let their own lives reveal that they are
pure and noble and heavenly.
On every hand we see a neglect to
train children to engage in useful labor. They are allowed to grow up in
ignorance of simple and necessary things. But those who are so unfortunate in
their training must awake; take the burden of the matter upon themselves; and,
if they ever expect to have success, find incentives to the honest employment
of their God-given powers. Their own enlightened understanding must lead them
to engage in useful work. Without this kind of education, this principle of
action will not be established. Their work will be fitful, and their efforts in
every line, feeble.
Parents are not to be slaves to
their children, doing all the self-sacrifice, while the children are permitted
to grow up careless and unconcerned, letting all the burdens rest upon their
parents. The children are God’s precious heritage, to be disciplined, educated,
and trained to lift burdens in their early years. These should be light at
first; but children should be carefully educated to do their part, that they
may understand how to do their work with willing aptitude. Young
men and young women who have been so unfortunate as to have the idea impressed
upon their minds that work is degrading to ladies and gentlemen, will in the
end lose the credit of being ladies and gentlemen. There are
domestic duties calling for a helping hand; in every place there are things
that require energetic, persevering, skilled activity, which ready, experienced
hands know how to undertake. The laws of necessity require that our
missionaries, in the fulfilment of the duties of common, practical life, become
wise in methods and plans.
Work is constantly being done in
heaven. There are no idlers there. “My Father worketh hitherto,” said Christ,
“and I work.” We cannot suppose that when the final triumph shall come, and we
have the mansions prepared for us, idleness will be our portion,—that we shall
rest in a blissful, do-nothing state. We have a great work to do in this our
day to prepare the way for the King of kings and Lord of lords. Be sure he
finds us at the occupation he has given us. To every man he has given his
work,—a fitting occupation,—to prepare a people to stand in the great day of
the Lord.